No, You Don’t Have to Be Miserable. Here’s How to Make 2022 Your Year.

Scrolling through my socials last week, I stumbled on the following tweet: 

Typically I’d keep scrolling, but for some reason it kinda bugged me and I felt compelled to respond. So I retweeted and added this gif. 

The author came at me, calling me braggy, and a friend of mine dm’d me saying that my response was “literally violence”. 

I’m going to be candid–2021 was an incredible year for me. Even as I type that, I feel a tad guilty. Somehow with COVID and everything else that’s gone on, we’ve been conditioned to think that we’re supposed to be unhappy. We’re supposed to be depressed and downhearted. And if things ARE going well for us, well, we better just keep that to ourselves because everyone else is suffering miserably.

Well, I think that’s garbage. Empathy for the suffering is one thing, and we should all strive to have more of that. But being miserable because we’re “supposed to be” is a whole different thing. And that was the sentiment I got from the above tweet.

But let me take a step back to a time where I was suffering, when things were looking bleak. Let’s rewind to the end of 2019. My family and I had just moved to Walnut Creek into a rental home that fit our family of six. Prior to that, we had lived in a three bedroom home that was 1,100 square feet. (Note: technically it was a two bedroom because one room didn’t have a closet.) Three of our kids shared a not-so-large room. The best part was that you could vacuum the entire house while keeping the vacuum cord plugged into a single outlet. We were happy but as the kids started getting bigger, our home felt a little tight. 

We moved to Walnut Creek in December of 2019 and things were looking up. I had a shorter commute, the kids were going to be in great schools, and eventually, if we kept saving diligently, we’d be able to buy our first home. Walnut Creek is where we planned to raise our family. We had moved a lot during our 12+ years of marriage and we wanted to put down deep roots. 

Well, as the great Mike Tyson said, we all have a plan until we get punched in the mouth. And 2020 certainly punched us in the mouth. A few months after the move, COVID hit and lockdowns began. Having just relocated we had very few friends in Walnut Creek and the wonderful schools we’d been so excited about closed their doors. School moved online. Hello Zoom. 

Day one wasn’t so bad. My wife set up an obstacle course for the kids, and while the girls quickly lost interest, our son decided to do it 100 times. This kept him busy for about two hours. 

I turned one of the bedrooms into a home office. While I worked, my wife made sure our 4th grader and 2nd grader stayed on task while doing preschool for a third kid and taking care of our fourth, an 18 month old. 

Each day was a grind. We hoped this temporary situation would quickly pass, but days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. The life we dreamed of had evaporated. There were silver linings along the way, but overall it was really, really hard. Some in our family struggled more than others. 

I’m sure many were impacted far more than we were, but that provides little solace when your family is spiraling. During Summer 2020 we kicked around the idea of moving but we still had a year left on our lease and we thought life would normalize soon enough. In October, it became clear there was no end in sight. Local schools signaled that remote school may continue well into the 2021-2022 school year. We hit a new low. I noticed a change in my wife and I knew we had to do something. 

In a matter of days we made the decision to move to Southern Utah, largely so our kids could go to school in person. When the December move date came, I felt sad. The life we thought we’d live was coming to an end. But I mostly felt pride. I had felt like a victim for much of the year. Circumstances were running our lives. We had no control. But in that decision to move, we took back control. As silly as this sounds, I felt like a hero. We were taking our lives back. 

In contrast, 2021 has been remarkable. The kids have loved their new school. They’ve made friends. They play sports, do gymnastics, act in plays, and do all the things that kids should be doing. They walk to school and play with friends in the street. 

There have been other highlights beyond the move. I took a VP of People role at a startup where I work with incredible people. I did an Ironman 70.3 with my brothers, ran my first marathon, and played a lot of pickleball. I watched my children gain confidence as they learned new skills and tackled problems. I spent quality time with friends and loved ones. 

It was by no stretch an easy year, and things are far from perfect, but they’re a whole lot better than in 2020. Leaving California was tough, but it was the right decision. We could have stayed but we didn’t. We took control of our lives. We were in a bad situation and we decided to make a change. We acted. 

Over the last few months I’ve reflected on this quote from Russell Nelson:

The pandemic has demonstrated how quickly life can change, at times from circumstances beyond our control. However, there are many things we can control. We set our own priorities and determine how we use our energy, time, and means. We decide how we will treat each other. We choose those to whom we will turn for truth and guidance.

2021 has been one of the best years of my life. But maybe it was an awful year for you. Maybe you’re happy to put it all behind you. But what are you going to do in 2022 to make it better? How can you control your circumstances? What do you need to do to take charge? 

I don’t want to be callous or flippant. You may have gone through a trial in 2021 that puts my 2020 to shame. You may have lost a loved one. Or lost your job. Or lost your purpose. But as you look ahead to the new year I invite you to ponder this question: Is it possible 2022 could be the best year of my life? 

As COVID concerns grow and other challenges only seem to increase, it’s easy to tell ourselves that things are bad and will only get worse. Maybe. But I challenge you to reconsider. Many of us are miserable. We don’t have to be. To quote Nelson again, “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.”

As you enter the new year, I wish peace, joy, and happiness for you and your family. The world needs people who are striving to grow and improve and thrive. The world needs people who choose to act rather than being acted upon. The world needs you. Make 2022 your year.

Career Q&A with Nolan Church, CEO of Continuum (#15)

The next Career Q&A is with Nolan Church, who is the CEO of Continuum, an executive talent marketplace. Nolan and I were peers at DoorDash and he’s one of the most talented people I’ve worked with. He’s the real deal and someone I regularly go to as a sounding board. In this Q&A, Nolan offers great advice on taking calculated risks, surrounding yourself with people better than you, and the need to constantly push yourself. I hope you enjoy Nolan’s insights as much as I did.

Nolan Church is the Cofounder and CEO of Continuum, a marketplace for executive talent. Prior to Continuum, Nolan was the Chief People Officer at Carta and the Head of Talent at DoorDash.

Nolan graduated from the University of New Orleans and was voted captain of the baseball team. He has two kids, and a wife that is better than him at everything.

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why?

Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. I love this book because it perfectly describes the human journey. I’ve had so many moments in the last 10 years where I’ve felt overwhelmed, overworked, and scared of the unknown. But those moments are how we grow and build character. 

I’ve read the book 5 or 6 times. Strongly recommend!

Was there an experience you had before age 21 that shaped who you are? What was it?

I received a scholarship to play baseball at Kansas State during my sophomore year of junior college. They rescinded the scholarship two weeks before my JUCO season ended.

All of my plans vanished and my world was turned upside-down in an instant. Most D1 schools had allocated all of their scholarship money (I was broke and needed financial aid to continue playing). My JUCO coach connected me w/the coach at University of New Orleans. They offered me a 50% scholarship, but I had to make a decision within 24 hours. I had never made a decision that big, that quick, with such little information. It felt like a huge risk.

I took it, and New Orleans ended up being one of the best experiences of my life. It’s not what happens, it’s how you respond.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? Do you have a “favorite failure” of yours?

I’ve failed so many times it’s hard to pick a favorite 🙂 

My college baseball team set the D1 record for losses my senior year (we went 4-50). At one point during the season, I went in a 0-27 slump. It was painful.

I realized my lifelong dream of playing professional baseball was over, and I needed to figure out a new direction. 

I re-focused on school and I got good grades. Those decisions ultimately allowed me an opportunity to crack into tech post-graduation. 

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore?

Two tactical pieces of advice: 1) Become a concise written communicator and 2) cold email relentlessly. These skills aren’t taught in school, but they’re essential post-graduation.

Advice to ignore: Fake it until you make it. Have confidence and be authentic, but never pretend to be something you’re not. 

What are the bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?

Bad recommendations usually come from people that don’t know something firsthand, but act like they do. My rule of thumb is to only trust the people closest to the ground doing the work. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

Make your manager’s, director’s, and VP’s problems disappear. Someone gave me this advice when I first started my career, and it’s helped more than anything. 

What’s one of your proudest professional accomplishments? (while this can include an obvious accomplishment, feel free to include a more personal one)

Starting Continuum. There are very few VC-backed founders with a People Ops background, and I’m proud to be one.

What’s something unexpected that has happened in your career, and how have you responded?

In 4 years, I went from Recruiter, to Head of Recruiting, to Chief People Officer, to Founder. The amount of growth I went through — and continue to experience — in order to keep up the demands of my role(s) was/is insane. 

Early in my career I was constantly stressed. With time I came to appreciate that growth is supposed to feel uncomfortable. Now, I’m trying to enjoy the ride and have more fun.

Since entering the workforce, how have you changed or transformed?

As a kid, my parents always hated their jobs. They thought work was a necessary evil. It took me a few years post-college to realize that work could be fulfilling, fun, and a healthy part of my life. 

I learned that work becomes magical when you fall in love with what you’re building and who you’re building with. Life is short. Only work on things you’re passionate about.

When have you felt stuck in your career? How did you break out of it or push forward?

I hit a learning plateau after my first 2 years at Google. Nobody around me was pushing to get better, grow, or do big things. It was a very complacent culture.

I realized that I was playing it too safe. I needed to take a risk and push myself outside of my comfort zone. I left to join an early-stage startup (DoorDash), and I haven’t stopped growing since. 

Who is one person, dead or alive, who you admire? Why do you admire them? 

Teddy Roosevelt. I have the ‘Man in the Arena’ speech on my office wall.

Roosevelt experienced significant adversity. His wife and mother died on the same day. His son died in WW1. He became the youngest president after McKinley was assassinated. 

Yet he kept pushing forward. He’s remembered as a trust-buster and conservationist. He’s a model of perseverance. 

What habit or practice helps you manage stress? (the more specific you can be, the better)

Working out every day. Usually running (HIIT sprints on the Peloton Tread) 2-3x/week, strength training/climbing 3x/week, and yoga 1-2x/week. It’s the only way I stay sane.

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter and podcast.

Career Q&A with Whitney Johnson, CEO of Disruption Advisors (#14)

The next Career Q&A is with Whitney Johnson, who is a CEO, author, investor, and executive coach. I’ve known Whitney for many years and she is one of the most gracious, intelligent people I’ve met. Whitney offers exceptional advice on the power of taking initiative, why everyone should get a coach, and how you can disrupt yourself to find career success. I hope you enjoy this Q&A as much as I did!

Whitney Johnson is the CEO of human capital consultancy Disruption Advisors, an Inc. 5000 2020 fastest-growing private company in America. Having worked at FORTUNE 100 companies, been an award-winning equity analyst on Wall Street, invested with Harvard’s Clayton Christensen, and coached alongside the renowned Marshall Goldsmith, Whitney understands how companies work, how investors think, and how the best coaches coach.

Whitney is an award-winning author, world-class keynote speaker, and frequent lecturer for Harvard Business School. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review and the author of bestselling books Build an A Team and Disrupt Yourself. She also hosts the weekly Disrupt Yourself podcast whose guests have included John Mackey, Brené Brown, Stephen M.R. Covey, and Zaza Pachulia. Whitney is married, has two children, and lives in Lexington, VA. (See full bio here.)

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why?

The Innovator’s Dilemma by Clayton Christensen. His theory of disruptive innovation––a Goliath-like legacy business could be overtaken by a silly little David––changed my thinking as a Wall Street equity analyst. It also revolutionized my thinking about growth. In 2004, I had been an award-winning equity analyst for nearly eight years. I loved it, but I felt like there was something more.

After an especially discouraging conversation with my manager, who wanted me to stay right where I was, I had a flash of insight. My current equity analyst self was the incumbent––Goliath. My future self was the upstart––David. To take up the giant, I had to disrupt myself. It was revelatory. Disruption wasn’t just about products, it was about people. As I write in the dedication to my latest book, Smart Growth: How to Grow Your People to Grow Your Company, “To Clayton Christensen, who made this S Curve possible.”

Was there an experience you had before age 21 that shaped who you are?

When I was three years old, after seeing The Sound of Music, I picked out Do-Re-Mi on the piano. I studied music throughout my childhood, and eventually majored in music. Piano practice brought discipline, accompanying vocalists and/or instrumentalists taught me to be attuned to others which informs my coaching, and the general sense of musicality informs my writing and speaking. Once, after a speech, I had an audience member say, “I felt like I was listening to you play an instrument.” Best compliment ever.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

A few years ago, I delivered a keynote. The audience didn’t like it, they hated it––I have the comment cards to prove it. Because of nerves, I was focused on myself, not attuned to the audience. I had become the hero (like the accompanist who thinks they are the star). And if I was the hero, then who was the audience? It was my job to be the guide so the audience could be the hero.  This was the wake-up call that made the ‘musical moment’ experience possible, the failure that led to a success. For more on failure, listen to our Disrupt Yourself podcast, Episode 200.

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”?

Take initiative. Take initiative. Take initiative. Look for what you think needs to be done. Tell your boss what you plan to do and ask for input. Ask Does that work for you? If you are competent, and take initiative, you will quickly be labeled a superstar.

Also, take advantage of the fact that you are straight out of college. When a twenty-something asks me a thoughtful question––I will try to say ‘yes’ simply to reward you for taking the initiative. In general, those over 40 feel the responsibility to feed our young. Being in your 20s has its privileges. Use them before they expire. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

Get a coach. Straight out of college I was getting the training that I needed to do the functional job, but I had no idea how to navigate the emotional job that I was being hired to do. I read a lot of books, but a coach could have helped me move up my S Curve of Learning faster. 

What’s one of your proudest professional accomplishments? 

I am proud of the fact that I disrupted my mindset about what was possible for me. When I graduated from college, I had a music degree, no idea what I wanted to be or do, except some vague notion that I would have children (was already married), and not a lot of confidence. That I was able to change how I was thinking about myself and move from being an EA to an investment banker, which rarely happens in financial services (still!). I am proud of that. (And grateful that I had a boss who believed in me and made it possible.)

What’s something unexpected that has happened in your career, and how have you responded?

I didn’t expect that one of my superpowers would be to apply business theories or concepts to the individual, like I have with both disruption innovation and the diffusion curve. Nor did I expect that the S Curve of Learning would be such a useful model for helping people think about what growth looks like. My response––instead of this being in the background like it was in Disrupt Yourself and Build an A Team, it is the hero of the story in Smart Growth.

Since entering the workforce, how have you changed or transformed?

According to Jungian psychology, we have both masculine and feminine characteristics. The ability to get things done, to wield power is considered masculine, while to love and be connected are considered feminine traits.. To truly grow up, both men and women need to develop both. While home and family has been the vehicle for me to develop feminine characteristics, work has helped me develop masculine traits. It has been an important vehicle for helping me grow up.  Note: I write about this in detail in my first book Dare, Dream, Do: Remarkable Things Happen When You Dare to Dream.

When have you felt stuck in your career? How did you break out of it or push forward?

When I was pregnant with my first child, my boss was fired. They probably would have given me the boot too, except that I had good performance reviews, and I was pregnant. I interviewed for a number of roles in investment banking, but there wasn’t a fit. Desperate, they pretty much shoved me into equity research. Once I got to research, there was a merger, and with it came a highly-rated analyst who covered the sector (cement and construction) that I was supposed to cover. I had now been disrupted twice. 

My only way out was a third round of disruption, but this time disrupting myself. There were a number of media companies going public and no one to cover them. So, rather than trying to knock on a cement door that was closed, I built my own door. I became a media analyst. By building a door for myself, I built a door for my company. My way through was personal disruption. 

Who is someone, dead or alive, who you admire? Why do you admire them?

Joan of Arc––I’ve been reading Mark Twain’s autobiography of her––she was so clear on her purpose and so courageous.

Diana Krall––I admire her musicianship and her voice––and how she didn’t start singing until she was in her late 20s because she thought she didn’t have a good voice.

What habit or practice helps you manage stress?

Exercise, running specifically, helps release the cortisol that builds up due to stress (whether good or bad stress).

Gratitude. Stress often comes because of a perceived danger––specifically that I won’t be able to get done what I need to do in the time that I have to do it. And ‘the wild bear will catch me and I will die.’ If, in that moment, I become hyper focused on what I am grateful for, my ‘upstairs’ thinking brain can signal to my ‘downstairs run away NOW brain’ that I’m not actually in danger. Which relieves the stress. And allows me to get done what I need to do in the time I have to do it.

Do the thing that I am avoiding which can lead to anxiety which leads to a stress response. If I am anxious about something (back to the wild bear), I might procrastinate, or avoid it, and then my brain will feel relief. Something I’ve learned from psychologist Emma McAdam is that in the moment my brain will reward me. Good job, you escaped the bear. But then when there’s another bear of a deadline, then my brain tells me to avoid it again. This creates an anxiety loop. So do the thing I think I can’t do––that’s making me anxious, that’s causing a stress response––now.

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter and podcast.

The Calming Power of Three Deep Breaths

When was the last time you tossed aside your phone, closed your laptop, and just breathed? To be candid, breathing is something I’ve given little thought to for most of my life. It’s a natural, involuntary process, so how important can it be? That view has shifted over the last year.

I’ve long sought to master my emotions. Sometimes they get the best of me. There are times when I feel confident, intelligent, and at peace. I feel like I’m my best self. I feel like I can overcome whatever obstacles come my way. I call this expansion.

Other times I feel small. I feel anxious. I feel a lack of control. In these moments the obstacles in front of me look daunting. I’m overwhelmed. I call this contraction.

Physical exercise has been a powerful tool to help me move from contraction to expansion.  Intense bike rides, hard runs, and even long, slow walks have helped shift my energy. But I don’t always have 30-60 minutes to spare. I needed something faster. 

When I got serious about coaching, I hired my own coach. He introduced a simple exercise of taking three deep, intentional breaths. I start by sitting in silence with my eyes closed, then breathe in for five seconds, hold, then breathe out for five seconds. 

Deep breathing has a calming effect. It helps us relax our fight or flight response. Not surprisingly, it can slow the heartbeat and lower or stabilize blood pressure. And it’s an exercise that can take as little as 60 seconds. 

Shortly after learning the power of breathing, I introduced the exercise in my coaching practice. Every session now begins with three deep breaths, a practice my clients and I do together. We’re typically coming from other meetings and have a million things on our minds. Pausing for three deep breaths helps us get centered and present. On several occasions, I’ve been given feedback that the deep breathing exercise was the most impactful part of a coaching session.

Mastering our emotions and staying calm amidst the chaos can be the difference between success and failure. Spending more time in expansion helps us see new possibilities. It gives us the energy to sustain strong performance. There are many approaches that can shift us to a state of expansion. Taking three deep breaths is my new favorite and gives me the best bang for my buck. 

How To Make Room for Inspiration in Your Career

Listen to the podcast version on AppleGoogle, and Spotify podcasts

I recently finished rereading the book, How Will You Measure Your Life? by the late Clayton Christensen. It’s a fantastic book. In it, Christensen discusses the differences between deliberate and emergent strategies.

In your career, a deliberate strategy is the specific plan you craft for your future, while an emergent strategy is a realized pattern that wasn’t expressly intended. In other words, an emergent strategy is the path you take after your circumstances have changed. It’s wise to have a plan, but Christensen believed (and I would echo) that too many people stress about their future and think they’re supposed to “have their careers planned out, step-by-step, for the next five years. High-achievers, and aspiring high-achievers, too often put pressure on themselves to do exactly this. . .”

Having a focused plan may make sense, but all too often things change. We need to make space for an emergent strategy. We need to leave room for inspiration. I am a man of faith. I believe there is a God and that he has a plan for each of us. I realize not everyone listening may share that faith, but it’s hard to argue with the times when we’ve felt guided to do something we didn’t intend to. Or times when a door opened that we didn’t think existed. This is inspiration.

If you’re anything like me, you want to have everything planned out. You’ve got a 1-year plan, a 5-year plan, a 10-year plan, etc. That’s what we’re taught to do, right? But some of the best things that have happened in my career were NOT planned for. Some of the best things have happened when my plans came crashing to the ground erupting in flames.

I’d like to tell a story of someone who had a difficult, unexpected experience in their career.

Hugh B. Brown, a former leader in my church, told the story of the time he purchased a rundown farm in Canada many decades ago. As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush (on them grow tiny berries, kinda like a small grape) that had grown over six feet high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps. Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”

Years later, Hugh Brown was a field officer in the Canadian Army serving in England. When a superior officer became a battle casualty, Brown was in line to be promoted to general, and he was summoned to London. But even though he was fully qualified for the promotion, it was denied him because of his faith. The commanding general said in essence, “You deserve the appointment, but I cannot give it to you.” What Brown had spent 10 years hoping and preparing for slipped through his fingers in that moment because of what he felt was blatant discrimination. Continuing his story, Brown remembered:

“I got on the train and started back … with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. … When I got to my tent, … I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, and I shook them at heaven. I said, ‘How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?’ I was as bitter as gall.

“And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, ‘I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.’ The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness. …

“… And now, almost 50 years later, I look up to [God] and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”

Brown never became a general, but he believed that the divine redirected his life to do something even more important, to serve a higher purpose.

Like Brown getting denied his general promotion, there have been a few times in my career where I felt I did everything right, everything within my power, to land a job or put myself in a position to succeed and things didn’t work out. The most obvious was when I was an investment banking analyst at Lehman Brothers. I had hustled like crazy to get that job and everything fell apart only a few months after I joined. I found myself out of work with limited prospects. I finally landed a job but for years I was frustrated. I felt like that experience had set me back. I felt that my plan had been derailed.

But, as time went on, things worked out. In fact, they didn’t just work out, I was better off because of the setback. Had I not gone through the painful experiences early in my career I wouldn’t have built empathy for job seekers, I wouldn’t have written a book, I likely wouldn’t have pivoted my career from Finance to HR. I wouldn’t be able to coach and influence executives. I am confident that these experiences—that were really challenging at the time—led me to a path that I may not have discovered otherwise. This was inspiration.

So, what do we do with all this? What do we do when our perfect plan gets derailed?

First off, we try to withhold immediate judgment. When unplanned things happen, we try not to assess whether they are good or bad. They just are.

Second, we need to create space for stillness. We need to create space for perspective. This rarely comes immediately and may take more time than we’d like.

Having a plan is good. But as Mike Tyson said, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Some of the best things in our career happen when that plan isn’t realized. When that plan gets derailed. We need to create room for inspiration. We need to create room for an emergent strategy. Sometimes, like Hugh Brown’s currant bush, we need to be cut down before we can become the person we were meant to become.

4 Lessons From 4 Years at DoorDash

Listen to the podcast version on Apple, Google, and Spotify podcasts

Four years ago I left a comfortable job at an excellent company to join DoorDash, a Series C startup that had ~250 people. At the time, DoorDash was far from a sure thing. Several competitors had gone under and many were prophecying we were next. It’s been an incredible ride so far and while we’re just getting started, I want to reflect on lessons learned during this period. Here are four that stand out. 

1) Optimize for learning and impact 

Hours after coming to DoorDash’s San Francisco headquarters to interview, I got a call from the recruiter. Tony, the CEO, was about to leave town and wanted me to come in early next morning for a final interview. I had enjoyed meeting the team but this was a quick turnaround for a meeting of this magnitude. I had to work late that night and would have little time to prepare. 

The first part of the interview seemed to go well as I answered questions about my experiences in both HR and finance. But things went south when he asked me to share two new things I had learned over the past month. My mind went blank. I totally froze. 

After several seconds of silence, I answered his question but the examples I gave weren’t concrete. Trying to save the interview, I told him I knew my answer wasn’t impressive but that the primary reason I wanted to work at DoorDash was so I could accelerate my learning. And it was true! In my prior role, I was feeling comfortable but somewhat stagnant. I wanted a job where I could constantly learn. I wanted to have real impact. 

When the job offer came I was ecstatic. While the compensation package was less than what I was making, I knew I had to accept. I told myself that even if DoorDash wasn’t successful I’d still learn a ton. I’m grateful I accepted and my hypothesis held true. I’ve learned more over the last four years than I could have imagined. I’ve found that when we optimize for learning and impact, especially as we grow our career, the rest will take care of itself. 

2) Your limits are far beyond what you think they are

My first few weeks at DoorDash were a rude awakening. I had gone from an individual contributor on a highly structured HR team with well-built processes to leading a small, understaffed HR team. I was both player and coach, responsible for making key decisions and successfully executing them. While this was the key reason I decided to join DoorDash, it was very much a “be careful what you wish for” moment. 

Each morning I’d wake up filled with anxiety, my stomach in knots. I did my best to show up at work confidently, but I felt like a total phony. I’d experienced imposter syndrome before, but this was so much more. The sheer volume of work was challenging, but it was also the pressure of executing. I felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders. I had been hired to do an important job and I continually questioned whether I was up for it. 

A few weeks after starting, I had a conversation with my dad. Overwhelmed with work, I told him I thought I made a bad decision by joining DoorDash. This startup life just wasn’t for me. I didn’t think I could be successful. He listened for several minutes as I shared the challenges in front of me. He finally jumped in and asked if going back to my old company was an option. I quickly replied that it wasn’t. He then said, “Well, it sounds like the only path is to move forward. Just get up and do your best every single day. I’m sure things will work out all right.”

I sought to follow his advice. The boats had been burned at my last company. There was no turning back. I knew I needed to keep going. The knots in my stomach continued each morning but would subside after I got to the office. I sought to focus on the work and nothing else. I found that I needed to reframe can I do this? to I can do this

I learned that my limits are far beyond what I thought they were. I’m confident this applies to all of us. We can’t truly know our limits until we’ve tested them. 

3) Set boundaries

You don’t join a company like DoorDash if you’re looking for a slow and steady pace. While I had done 100-hour weeks as an investment banker early in career, my life had changed. I had a family with three young kids. I wanted to prove that I could handle the startup life but I didn’t want to abandon the things that were most important to me. 

On my first day in the office, I tried to feel things out. Most employees were younger than me and didn’t have kids. Was there room for someone like me? How could I fit in? Many at DoorDash stayed late and ate dinner together so I decided to join them. After the meal, my manager pulled me aside and asked what I was doing. I explained my desire to build goodwill with the team. He pushed back, saying that he needed me for the long haul and that if I don’t find a way to manage work and family I wouldn’t last long. He knew my priorities and was there to support me. 

This conversation empowered me to set boundaries. I had a long commute so I committed to leaving the office at 5 pm every day so I could be home with my family for dinner. On the flip side, I would wake up early and get to work before everyone else. This schedule wasn’t easy but my wife and I partnered to make it work. We welcomed our fourth child while at DoorDash and I made time to serve in my church and in the community.  

Had I not made the commitment to leave by 5 pm I don’t think I would have lasted more than a year. Setting boundaries was essential. 

4) Pause before placing judgment 

Kevin Delaney tells the story of a farmer who lived in a village on the outskirts of a town. One morning the farmer went out to plow his fields and found that the gate of his stables was open and his only horse missing. The neighbor noticed the empty stable and commented, “What terrible luck that your horse has run away. How will you farm your fields?” The farmer replied, “It could be good, could be bad, who knows. But I’m sure it will all work out.” 

Later that afternoon the farmer was mending his fence, and he noticed a thundering rumble growing louder and louder. He looked up to see his horse charging towards the open pen, followed by a team of wild horses. In a matter of minutes, there were a dozen horses secured inside the yard. The neighbor couldn’t believe his eyes and exclaimed, “How lucky you are! Yesterday you had only one horse and now you have a dozen.” The farmer looked at the horses and replied, “It could be good, could be bad, who knows. But I’m sure it will all work out.”

The story continues with several events that initially appear bad immediately followed by one that appears good. The farmer refuses to pass judgment at the moment they occur. He knows that there’s no value in wasting precious energy in constant judgment. 

I’ve learned the same goes for our careers. During my time at DoorDash, countless things have happened (getting layered, new manager, team reorg, etc.) that on the surface seemed to negatively impact me. In the moment I’d get frustrated and start spiraling. On one occasion, I considered leaving the company. Most of these situations, though difficult in the moment, turned out to be just what I needed. 

Endlessly debating whether things are good or bad is a waste of time and energy. I’ve now sought to live by the motto: Come what may and love it. We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control our mindset. 

The last four years at DoorDash have been an absolute roller coaster. We’ve come a long way, but we’re just getting started (yes, we’re still hiring!). I’m fortunate I’ve been able to be a part of the journey and grateful for the amazing people I work with. There’s nothing better than doing meaningful work with people you care about. 

Onward and upward.

This article was originally posted on Linkedin.

How to Create a Life Worth Living: Interview with Kevin Delaney, VP of L&D at LinkedIn (Episode 18)

In this episode, I interview Kevin Delaney and dive into his book, A Life Worth Living: Finding Your Purpose and Daring to Live the Life You’ve Imagined. Kevin is a VP at LinkedIn where he leads Learning and Development. Prior to that, he was an HR exec at VMware and several other companies. He’s a former colleague of mine, and someone I consider to be a mentor and friend. 

In our conversation, we discuss his lessons from a serious health challenge, his approach to balancing annual planning with daily rituals, his unique perspective on dealing with setbacks, and, of course, how to create a life worth living. Kevin is one of my all-time favorite people and someone who truly walks the talk. I hope you enjoy our conversation.

You can read Kevin’s book here

How to Build a Mindset that Prepares You for Everyday Challenges (Episode 17)

Several years ago, someone who I thought I could trust did something that hurt me. I was frustrated and angry. I was hurt. This person’s actions blindsided me and I wasn’t able to focus or be productive for the rest of the day. Wisdom from the Stoics–Marcus Aurelius in particular–got me back on my feet.

In this episode, I discuss how a simple step, a mindset really, will help us conquer the day-to-day challenges we’re going to face. I also share the daily habits that help me perform at my best.

Marcus Aurelius was the Roman emperor from 161 to 180 AD. He was the last of the rulers known as the Five Good Emperors, and the last emperor of the Pax Romana, an age of relative peace and stability for the Roman Empire. He was the most powerful man in the world and his book, Meditations, is a collection of his journal entries.

He wrote them to himself and he never planned to publish them. His words were the private thoughts of a Roman emperor and he’s admonishing himself on how to be more virtuous, wiser, more just, and more immune to temptation. His philosophy is one of self-restraint, duty, and respect for others.

Going back to that moment of frustration I experienced after I felt someone had wronged me. I had recently finished reading Meditations and I was reminded of this passage. I’ll quote Marcus Aurelius:

“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading.

Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man’s two hands, feet or eyelids, or the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature’s law – and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction.”

Marcus Aurelius was a stoic, and stoic philosophy has gained in popularity over the last decade for good reason. Our world continues to be out of control. There are people, whether they be on social media or in person, who want to injure us.

I love Marcus’ response: He acknowledges that these people exist and that they will act in a way that is unsavory, but then here’s the line that stands out:

Therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading.

It’s almost like he’s giving himself a pep talk. He is giving himself a pep talk.

So how does this apply to me? How does this apply to us? People are going to do some less than pleasant things to us. Bad things are going to happen. We can hope for the best, but we need to be mindful that we’re going to come across people who are actively trying to interfere with our progress.

I’ve tried to adopt this mindset. No, it’s not about thinking everyone is out to get you. It’s not paranoia. It’s about mentally preparing for every day. Soldiers put on their armor before going into battle. While most of us don’t engage in physical combat, we do engage in mental and emotional combat.

Our armor isn’t physical but we still need to prepare and we still need put on our armor every day.

This is a daily practice. There are several things I have learned to do every day that prepare me for the types of people and the types of situations that Marcus Aurelius wrote about. My daily practice includes studying the bible and other texts I believe to be sacred. It includes journaling. It includes prayer and meditation. It includes sitting in stillness. It includes exercise, going on a walk, moving my body. I’m not perfect at these practices, but when I do them, and when I do them consistently and on a daily basis I am more prepared for the challenges that inevitably come. Your daily practice may look different, but I encourage you to find what works.

Going back to Marcus Aurelius:

Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading.

We would be wise to follow his example. To stay above the fray. To proactively prepare for the challenges that come our way. Having a daily practice will aid us as we continue to progress and strive to be our best selves.

Click here to listen to the full episode

The Profound Power of a Kind Word (Episode 16)

Before publishing Not Your Parents’ Workplace I was overwhelmed with imposter syndrome.  I kept thinking, what am I doing? Who am I to write a book? 

In this episode, I discuss how a specific act of kindness had a dramatic impact on me and share how we can have a similar impact on others. Enjoy!

I always thought about writing a book but I didn’t know how to make it happen. My first job out of college was as an investment banking analyst at Lehman Brothers. Shortly after I joined, Lehman went bankrupt, causing a market crash and essentially bringing the 2008 financial crisis to the forefront of most Americans. I kept a detailed journal of the events leading to the bankruptcy and thought it would be interesting to write a book about the bankruptcy and financial crisis from the eyes of a fresh college grad.

I was partly inspired by my brother-in-law who had just published a book. I started writing and was about 15 pages in when I set it aside. I didn’t know how to write a book and the task was overwhelming

The idea to write a book popped into my head once more after my internship at LinkedIn. I was working as a LinkedIn ambassador teaching BYU students why they should be on LinkedIn, how to build a strong profile, and how to find a job. I loved working one-on-one with students, but found that I was saying the same thing over and over.

I thought that if I could somehow scale the lessons being taught I could have a bigger impact and help even more people. It was at that point I decided to write a book.

Click here to listen to the full episode

How Constraints Unlock Creativity (Interview with Kyle Fackrell, Creator of Space Race)

When COVID hit, Kyle Fackrell, had to hit pause on the musical he was creating. Thankfully, this gave him space to make Space Race, the hit musical series now available on YouTube.

Space Race is literally a one man show where Kyle did all the writing, composing, singing, acting, and editing. If you haven’t seen it yet, you are missing out. In this conversation, Kyle discusses his creative process, reveals how Space Race came about, and shares how constraints unlock creativity.

This interview is available on YouTube and as a podcast.

Watch Space Race

Follow Kyle on Facebook

Kyle’s home page