growth

Don’t Focus on the Gap. Focus on the Gain Instead.

~ Nathan ~ Leave a comment

Top performers are keen at identifying the gap from where they are today and where they want to be. Herculean effort gets poured into closing that gap. 

But often that gap can feel so distant it becomes paralyzing. We lose the motivation to move forward. Authors Dan Sullivan and Ben Hardy discuss this in their book, The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success.

Most people, especially highly ambitious people, are unhappy because of how they measure their progress. We all have an ‘ideal,’ a moving target that is always out of reach. When we measure ourselves against that ideal, we’re in the Gap. However, when we measure ourselves against our previous selves, we’re in the Gain.

As a coach, I’ve found that most clients obsess about the Gap. They set an ideal for themselves that is worthy, but ends up feeling out of reach. They get frustrated by their lack of progress. They get mad at themselves. They start losing motivation and want to give up. 

When I see clients beat themselves up like this, I challenge them to focus on the Gain. A simple question gets them there: “Go back to the person you were one year ago. What would that person think of the progress you’ve made?” It takes some effort, but they always are surprised by their progress. We spend time celebrating those wins and highlighting personal growth. This has enormous psychological benefits.

When we measure our progress by our Gains rather than by the Gaps that still remain, we liberate ourselves from feelings of failure. Instead, we appreciate just how far we’ve come, and that positivity fuels even more progress. It’s energizing and motivating. It’s a better way to live and work. It leads to greater happiness and satisfaction. 

Negative energy can fuel you in the short term but it won’t sustain you over time. Be mindful of the Gap, but celebrate how far you’ve come. 

Focus on the Gain. You’ve put in massive work to become the person you are today. Don’t lose sight of that.

Don’t Be Your Authentic Self. Do This Instead.

~ Nathan ~ 2 Comments

I nominate authenticity as the single most damaging and self-limiting word that exists.

“I’m being my authentic self.” “I’m just trying to be authentic to who I am.” You hear it all the time.

The problem with authenticity is that it’s stagnant. It’s fixed. If we’re being genuinely authentic to ourselves, we’re committing to being the same person we were last year and the year before and the year before that. 

Do you really want to be authentic? Really? Or do you want to be the best version of yourself that you can be?

As an exec coach, I’m in the people growth business. Growth is really hard. It’s hard because it feels weird. It feels different. It’s uncomfortable. By definition, growth is inauthentic.

Growth is also hard because, over time, those around you expect you to act in a certain way. And they don’t always like it when you try to change. Some people flat out want your change efforts to fall short. They want to see you fail. Your change makes them uncomfortable.

This is why it’s so critical to surround yourself with people who will build you up. And in turn, you need to be the kind of person who builds up others. We all can do better at championing self improvement.

Real change requires acting differently. It’s easier to do what comes naturally. It’s easier to keep the same habits and beliefs. It’s easier to be authentic. But authenticity shuts down our growth. It limits our potential.

So, let’s rethink authenticity. Let’s stop glamorizing authenticity. Let’s focus not on being true to who we are today, but instead on being true to the person we can become.

Let’s focus on growth, not authenticity. Because growth is what we’re all really seeking in the end.