Career Q&A with Tami Forman, Chief Executive at Path Forward (#11)

The next Career Q&A is with Tami Forman. Tami offers great insight into the power of setting low expectations (yes, you read that right), how our obsession with “passion” can lead us astray, and how having a child helped give her confidence in her career.

Tami M. Forman is the chief executive of Path Forward, a nonprofit organization that creates mid-career internship programs to ease the transition back to work for women (and men) after taking a break for raising children or other caregiving responsibilities. Before founding Path Forward, Tami spent a decade as a tech marketing executive with data solutions provider, Return Path. Before that she worked in book publishing at Simon & Schuster and Houghton Mifflin and held senior-level web editorial positions at iVillage and News Corporation. She is a frequent speaker on issues related to women’s participation in the workforce, writes a career column for Forbes, and was named by Flexjobs as one of the top 20 career experts for working moms. Tami lives in New York City with her husband and two kids, aged 10 and 12. 

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why? 

I am a big fan of Laura Vanderkam, especially her book on working women titled I Know How She Does It. She offers different ways to think about our relationship to time which, especially in a knowledge job, is really helpful for breaking out of old habits around work and life. I don’t believe women or men should have to choose between a fulfilling career and a life. Vanderkam’s work offers frameworks that help you figure out how to make that idea a reality. 

Was there an experience you had before age 21 that shaped who you are? What was it? 

My parents are not college graduates so, for me, college was a very disorienting experience. It was very apparent to me that many of the kids around me had access to a set of unwritten rules and practices that I had to figure out. And that carried over when I entered the corporate world. Because my parents didn’t have professional jobs I am not a native to the folkways of corporate culture. Much like an immigrant to a new land I’ve had to learn the customs and language without the benefit of having grown up in it. I think it’s made me resilient and given me the confidence to take a leap into the unknown—I know I can figure things out.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? Do you have a “favorite failure” of yours? 

I started out my career in media—book publishing and then digital media—and I didn’t do great in that field. Part of it was loving books and writing is not enough to carry you through a career. But also, it was a world I just didn’t fit into. Part of it was being a corporate “immigrant”—I didn’t understand how the white-collar world worked in general. But media, specifically, is an industry where a lot of emphasis is placed on where you went to school, what neighborhood you live in, and what connections you have. Some people are able to overcome that and find a way to fit in—or find a way to stand out!—but I couldn’t really do either of those. Took me awhile to figure out that it just wasn’t the right fit. 

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore? 

I would say, “Just start somewhere.” So many of us starting out want to pick the “right” job to lead to the “right” career but there’s no way to really know if you are good at something or will like it unless you start doing it. Take a job that seems aligned with your interests and then go from there. I generally tell people to ignore the advice to “Find your passion.” If you really have a passion you will know it and you really won’t even have a choice but to follow it. But most of us have a lot of different interests and could fit well in any number of careers. Our obsession with “passion” can lead people down dead end roads. 

What are the bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?

Along the same lines as “find your passion,” I really hate when people say “Do what you love and the money will follow” and “Love what you do and you will never work a day in your life.” First, there are lots of things people love doing that simply do not pay well. Second, I love my job and there are days that are hard and awful. Work is still … work. Expecting to love every minute, and get paid handsomely for loving that super gratifying, totally fulfilling work, is just setting people up for massive disappointment.

I believe in keeping relatively low expectations. You can have big goals and still not have such ridiculous expectations that you are almost guaranteed to be disappointed. By the way, this is also where I think my upbringing helps me out. I have already far exceeded all expectations I could have imagined for my life—at this point everything is really gravy. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be? 

“Your first job won’t be your last job.” I knew that, of course. In 1993 there was no longer an expectation that you’d spend your whole career at one company. But I still think I was too worried about making a bad choice. I wish I’d embraced the idea of exploring different jobs earlier in my career. The idea of design thinking—trying something, figuring out what is working and what is not and then tweaking—is something I came to later. But if I’m being kind to my younger self I have to admit that it’s easier to feel comfortable with the idea of experimenting when you have had some success and seen things work out!

What’s one of your proudest professional accomplishments? 

I’m really proud of starting Path Forward from scratch. We’ve now worked with 70 companies, including large employers like Walmart, SAP and HPE, we’ve seen more than 400 people employed through our returnship program and we’ve truly established ourselves as experts in our part of the workforce development space. And everything I’ve done in the last 4.5 years is something I had never done before which makes these accomplishments feel even more incredible.

I think part of the courage to do that came from having to figure out a lot in college and my early career. But the final push that convinced me that I could really do anything I wanted to do was having children. Babies are the ultimate start-up experience. The hospital sends you home with one and says “Good luck!” And as soon as you start to get good at your job, it changes. More moms should start businesses. We are experts at figuring things out and learning on the job.  

What’s something unexpected that has happened in your career, and how have you responded? 

I never expected to start and run a nonprofit! I was working in corporate communications at a private software company when the HR department decided to start a returnship program to bring former stay-at-home mothers back into the workforce. I thought it was a great idea and as the head of PR I also felt it was a great story! We got an article in the San Francisco Chronicle. That led to other companies becoming interested in what we were doing and looking for support and consulting.

Eventually our CEO, Matt Blumberg, felt like the program could have a big impact as a nonprofit to work with employers to create more of these programs. When he told me his idea it was as if a light bulb went off over my head—I thought “I have to be a part of this.” I’d never thought about becoming an entrepreneur. But the cause felt so important to me. And I like the challenge of doing things I’ve never done before. 

Since entering the workforce, how have you changed or transformed? 

There is a scene in the third season of The Crown where the Queen is lamenting the new image of her as an older woman and someone refers to her as “the settled sovereign.” I found that to be such a compelling phrase, noting the complete lack of humility I may be showing by comparing myself to the Queen of England! But that phrase is a good way to explain how I feel now—I feel settled. I know what I know, I know what I don’t know and can figure out how to learn it. I also know what I’m good at and feel far more comfortable not trying to be “perfect.” I don’t feel the need to “appear” confident—I am confident. I feel like I have a firm foundation on which to build the next phase of my career—which feels very exciting. I know I can make mistakes and recover from them. I don’t feel as focused on what I might lose so I can stay more focused on what my team and I can win. 

When have you felt stuck in your career? How did you break out of it or push forward?

I definitely felt stuck when I was in media. I’d love to tell some great story about having a grand epiphany, quitting media in a dramatic fashion after having landed a great new job and riding off into the sunset. In fact, I got laid off. It was the beginning of 2003, the economy was still rocky after the dot-com bust and I lost my job at News Corporation. I spent six months looking for a job—any job—in media. But it was a rough time and I actually ended up losing out on three jobs to people I knew! It felt like the walls were closing in. I then landed at Return Path—a small software company where I ultimately became the VP of Corporate Communications. The rest is history! Sometimes the universe really does need to give you a shove. 

Who is one person, dead or alive, who you admire? Why do you admire them? 

Julia Child. I’ve read her biography and also the autobiography that she started and was finished by her nephew. Interestingly the biography is much more hagiographic. But I have a few reasons I love her. First, she is a late bloomer. She didn’t even take her first cooking class until she was 38 years old! She was in her 50s when she became the star we all came to know and love. When I was struggling in my early career I kept reminding myself that not everyone is a wunderkind. Second, she was an unapologetically ambitious woman. That really comes through in her autobiography—she was very driven and she wasn’t always nice about it! I admire that—we don’t expect men to be “nice” on the road to success. In the waning days of my media career I was working as a food editor and I got to talk to her on the phone. It was late in her life and she wasn’t well but it was such a thrill to talk to her! And she was quite humble. She said she “got lucky,” in her career, which, while true, is clearly not the whole story. 

What habit or practice helps you manage stress? 

I get up early every morning and go on a 3-mile walk. It gets me moving, clears my head and gives me an instant feeling of accomplishment. I also have dinner every night with my family. This is much easier now that we are in quarantine, but even when I commuted I prioritized getting home for dinner. Sitting around the table and reconnecting over a shared meal recharges me. 

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter and podcast.

How Lifelong Learning Will Give You a Competitive Edge (Episode 10)

The days of going to school, getting a degree, and being done with your learning at graduation are long gone. If you’re banking on what you learned in high school or college to carry you throughout your career, you’re in for a rude awakening.

The workplace is more dynamic than ever and new technology is accelerating that change. To thrive in today’s world of work we must constantly learn and constantly grow. 

So, what do we do? In this episode, I share three concrete ways you can make learning a competitive advantage in your career. I also share the future of The Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show including why I’m going to hit pause on YouTube and why I’m doubling down on the podcast. 

Alexander Hamilton and the Art of Discretion (Episode 11)

For the podcast version of this article, visit Apple, Google, or Spotify Podcasts

I first read Ron Chernow’s biography of Alexander Hamilton in 2014, having previously studied the lives of his contemporaries, specifically, George Washington, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson. I had a glimpse into his life and how many historians remembered him, but Chernow’s account totally opened my eyes.

This man was far more than the first treasury secretary of the United States. His accomplishments include:

  • Supporting Washington as his chief staff aide during the American Revolution and commanding three battalions during the decisive battle of Yorktown
  • Architecting the Federalist Papers which played a pivotal role in defending and ratifying the U.S. Constitution (he wrote 51 of the 85 essays)
  • Founding a national bank and building the financial system that established the country’s credit
  • Creating the U.S. Coast Guard and the New York Post

Born in Nevis, a small island in the Caribbean, Hamilton’s father left him when he was a boy. Not long after, his mother died of yellow fever and his cousin, who was entrusted to watch over him, committed suicide. Without a doubt, of all the founding fathers, Hamilton’s rise to power is by far the most improbable.

Over the years my admiration for him only grew as I watched Lin Manuel Miranda’s musical and studied more of his life. A few months back, I decided to tackle his biography once more. The biggest lesson from reading this book, at least as it came to a close, is that of discretion.

Hamilton was a genius. Full stop. Yet, despite being a genius, or maybe because of it, he didn’t know when to keep silent. He spoke his mind at all times and this came back to hurt him on countless occasions.

In a letter to his son, sent days before his fatal duel with Aaron Burr, Hamilton wrote that he had “prepared for you a thesis on discretion. You may need it.” Here’s a portion of the letter.

“A prudent silence will frequently be taken for wisdom and a sentence or two cautiously thrown in will sometimes gain the palm of knowledge, while a man well informed but indescreet and unreserved will not uncommonly talk himself out of all consideration and weight.”

To quote Chernow, “This…sounds like the confessions of a man who had never learned to be discreet himself.” It’s been said that all advice is autobiographical, and Hamilton must have been talking to himself in a way, reflecting on times where his indiscretion had harmed him.

The dictionary provides two definitions of discretion:

  • The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information
  • The freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation

One can argue that had Hamilton shown more discretion throughout his life, had he behaved or spoken in a way that avoided causing offense to others, he wouldn’t have left behind such a long list of impressive accomplishments. Possibly, but a few moments of discretion could have spared him the hatred of many, and likely would have saved his life.

And what of Aaron Burr, the man who shot and killed Hamilton in their infamous duel? Burr was the antithesis of Hamilton. He rarely revealed how he felt on a given topic. He had the well-earned reputation of doing whatever was politically expedient. Burr was hard to read and many struggled to know where he stood.

Yet, as odd as it sounds, Burr ultimately paid a price for having too much discretion. Years of concealing how he felt and striving to be all things to all people took a toll. He finally reached the point where he couldn’t hide his true feelings towards Hamilton anymore and he lashed out. He had let his anger and hatred for Hamilton fester until he reached a boiling point and couldn’t hold back any longer.

Despite being the Vice President of the United States, Burr unleashed his rage and challenged Hamilton to a duel. He felt that Hamilton had defamed his character and had sought to destroy his political career. While he had plenty to lose from going after Hamilton, there was no turning back. Burr’s rage had consumed him.

Ironically, it was Hamilton’s death, rather than Hamilton’s verbal assaults, that led to Burr’s political undoing. After the fatal duel, Burr’s career was never the same. Facing potential murder charges, he fled to the South. He later faced treason charges for conspiring to plan the secession of several western states. So, he moved to Europe and didn’t return to New York until after his acquittal. His professional and personal life remained in tatters until his death in 1836.

It’s easy to point out the foibles of leaders who lived 200+ years ago. It’s harder to take those learnings and apply them to our lives to further our own development.

I invite you to consider the role discretion plays in your life. Are you like Hamilton, committed to speaking your mind at all times regardless of the occasion? Or are you more like Burr, constantly concealing your feelings, unwilling to share what you genuinely think until you reach a breaking point?

Much later in his life, reflecting on the duel, Burr remarked, “I should have known the world was wide enough for Hamilton and me.” Had he been willing to confront Hamilton earlier, had he been a little more indiscreet, they likely could have settled their differences peacefully and without violence. Conversely, had Hamilton been a little more discreet, had he effectively discerned when to maintain silence, his life likely wouldn’t have been taken at age 47.

The world certainly was wide enough for Hamilton and Burr.

As we move forward in our careers, I hope the lesson of these two men stay fresh. Discretion truly is an art.

Career Q&A with John Mayfield, General Partner at Album VC (#10)

The next Career Q&A is with John Mayfield. I’ve had the good fortune of knowing John for more than 10 years and he’s one of the most genuine and kind people that I know. I love his advice on adopting a give first mentality, the power of developing soft skills, and why people shouldn’t over-index on compensation in the first 15 years of a career.

John Mayfield is an early stage investor at Album with investments in Route, Neighbor, Filevine, Podium, Divvy, Weave, Qwick, and Homie, as well as a board member with the Rocky Mountain Venture Capital Association. Prior to Album, John was an early employee at Qualtrics and pre-IPO Instructure where he worked in sales, marketing, and new product launches. Prior to that, he spent several years in Silicon Valley working on M&A valuations for top software companies such as Oracle, HP, Yahoo, Cisco, and Amazon.

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why?

One book that has had an influence on me that I almost never hear people talk about is The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. The book is a must-read for anyone working with other humans. The concepts in the book have helped me identify in myself some of my unconscious reactions to work and life situations, it’s helped me in my approach to relationships, and overall improved the way I find energy to go after my goals. 

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore?

Don’t underestimate or forget the power of your relationships. I have loved watching friends and acquaintances from my past reemerge in my life in different contexts and being a resource to open up new opportunities for them and them for me. It’s something you have to live through to fully appreciate and I’ve found it very rewarding. 

Early in a career, it can feel like you don’t have a network but I’d challenge that and advise a college student to look around and develop relationships with those in your classes, clubs, and social groups. There are always people you can build friendships with and help out. Adopt a give first mentality and look for ways to help, it will come back around and it just makes life more enjoyable. The power of compounding is alive and well in the relationships you form early in your life and career. 

Advice to Ignore: I think most colleges have a built-in incentive to minimize risk and find the most expedient way to get people jobs–makes sense right? For some yes, for many or most I’d argue no. My experience is that colleges care very little about how fulfilled or meaningful your work will be and more about graduation and placement statistics. 

I believe that for college students, embracing uncertainty, tolerating more risk, being okay with developing networks and skills over steady pay, and having a more open aperture for opportunities creates more serendipity and many times more meaningful paths for a fresh graduate. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

Salary is the primary focus for many people from the start and can lock you into a path that has limited upside, or worse, into a life you hate. Focus the first 15 years of your career on finding the right mentors, networks, experiences, and skills. After the first 15 years, you can start optimizing more for pay grade. 

What’s one of your proudest professional accomplishments? 

I’m most proud of the partnership we have at Album, the culture and brand we’ve built so far, and the incredible founders we’ve been fortunate to back. 

Since entering the workforce, how have you changed or transformed?

Growing up, school and early jobs teach you that it’s all about memorizing the right answers and doing tasks correctly and fast. I think I entered the workforce having that same mindset. 

Through years of experience and struggles, I’ve learned that it’s much more important to have softer skills like persuasion, critical thinking, and human relationship skills. While hard skills are important and have their place, at some point, you have to learn how to persuade other people to join your point of view after you’ve taken the time to think through something deeply. I now focus much more on how I effectively create accountability both in myself and others and find ways to create leverage in my day and structurally in our business.

When have you felt stuck in your career? How did you break out of it or push forward?

This is where a good mentor comes in. Find someone who is two steps ahead of you in an area where you’re interested who can help you navigate. I also get a lot of value out of reading books and a number of podcasts. A few podcasts I’d recommend whether you’re in the investment world or not include: Invest Like the Best, The Knowledge Project, and Naval Ravikant. 

What habit or practice helps you manage stress?

I’ve recently picked up a daily breathwork practice. Breathing is something that we rarely think about but can create a massive shift in our state if used deliberately. There are techniques for anxiety, general stress, lethargy, sleep, and more. There are many apps out there but I use Breathwrk and Wim Hoff.

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter and podcast.

Difficult Conversations: Why They’re Important and How to Have Them (Episode 9)

Too often we avoid having difficult conversations because we tell ourselves it’s just not worth the effort. Nothing will change.

We tell ourselves that our manager or whoever’s involved doesn’t care about us and that there’s no point in speaking up. Often it’s easier, and quite frankly safer, to believe these things rather than to take action.

While no one likes having difficult conversations, when we avoid them, we trade short term discomfort for long term dysfunction.

In this episode, I share why it’s critical to have hard conversations, a framework for guiding these discussions, and three tips that will ensure you’re successful in having them.

As a reminder, The Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show is now available as a podcast. Please consider subscribing and leaving a review on Apple.

This Simple Tool Will Stop Anger From Destroying Your Career (Episode 8)

Anger is something we all feel at times but left unchecked it can cause irreparable damage to important relationships and harm our career. I’ve found that a simple tool—what I call an “unsent angry letter”—can help prevent raw emotion from getting the best of us.

Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and countless others have mastered the art of the unsent angry letter. Doing so allowed them to act deliberately and consciously rather than out of frustration or anger.

In this episode, I share why you need to master the unsent angry letter and how doing so will help you become more effective in all aspects of your life.

As a reminder, the Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show is now available as a podcast.

#19: 4 Lessons From 4 Years at DoorDash The Not Your Parents' Workplace Show with Nathan Tanner

  1. #19: 4 Lessons From 4 Years at DoorDash
  2. #18: How to Create a Life Worth Living (Interview with Kevin Delaney, VP of L&D at LinkedIn)
  3. #17: How to Create a Mindset that Prepares You for Everyday Challenges

Career Q&A with Mia Mabanta, Head of Talent and Growth Initiatives at Y Combinator (#9)

Our next Career Q&A is with Mia Mabanta, Head of Talent and Growth Initiatives at Y Combinator. Mia provides excellent advice on how to view career opportunities with an abundance mindset, the power of long walks, why ‘fake it ’til you make it’ is bad advice, and how immigrating to the US taught her to be scrappy and resourceful. I hope you enjoy her insights as much as I did.

Mia Mabanta runs talent and growth initiatives at YC Continuity, Y Combinator’s growth-stage fund. Prior to YC, Mia led product marketing at Quartz, the business news startup, as the company grew 10X in revenue and headcount. She also cofounded a fintech startup, HelloWallet, which sold to Morningstar and spun out of research she had been working on at the Brookings Institution, where she began her career as an analyst. Mia has an MBA from Stanford.

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why?

My Kindle is full of highlights from business/leadership-type books, but the book that has stayed in my consciousness longer than any other couldn’t be further from that genre. The Meadow by James Galvin is made up of poetic, intricately written vignettes chronicling a hundred years of life on… a meadow. The elegance with which he describes sensory details is almost meditative. Almost 20 years after I first read it, I still find that it helps me stay calm and centered in my life and work.

Was there an experience you had before age 21 that shaped who you are? What was it?

I immigrated to the US at 17 (for college) and have been largely independent ever since. At the time, I didn’t have much of a support base and had to figure out a lot of basic life things on my own: financial hurdles, visa lotteries, the DMV. I probably sent my resume to 100 companies before I got my first job offer, and had more brushes with deportation than I would have liked. I learned how to be scrappy and resourceful. It built up my resilience and taught me how to plan for the worst-case scenario.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

My biggest career misstep was hastily taking a job for the wrong reasons. On my first day, I knew I’d made a mistake. It made me seriously question my ability to make good decisions. But I then spent a lot of time thinking deeply about what was important to me in a job and company. At one point, I was printing out companies’ values and stacking them up against my own. Going through that exercise cemented how important culture and mission are, and within a few months I landed at a startup that I felt deeply connected to and (I think) had a lasting impact on, even years after I left. 

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore?

Don’t “fake it ‘til you make it.” Ask all the questions you need to understand a problem deeply. The best people, no matter their seniority, are the ones who ask questions to get the information they don’t have and work through problems instead of talking around them.

Also: Read a lot, especially about things that have nothing to do with your job. Find a great boss to work for. Spend time on relationships. There’s something to be learned from everyone you meet, whether it’s something to emulate or something to avoid. Learn how to think, speak, and write with clarity and conciseness. It’s amazing how much that sets people apart. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

Ali Rowghani, my current boss, gives this piece of advice that I wish I’d had when I was just starting out: View career opportunities with a lens of abundance. There is so much to do and learn, so many problems to solve. When see your career this way, you start to focus more on the expansiveness of your own potential rather than the little distractions—job title, status, organizational politics—that inevitably come up.

What’s one of your proudest professional accomplishments?

My proudest professional accomplishment is probably the people I’ve hired. I love building teams and get a lot of fulfillment out of working through challenges together and celebrating wins. Whenever I’ve created an environment where people are working hard, having fun doing so, and genuinely care about one another, I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job.

Since entering the workforce, how have you changed or transformed?

Besides all the usual growth that one goes through as they advance in their career, one big change is that I’ve become much more adaptable to people’s different working styles, and better at communicating my own. It’s not that I was intolerant of different styles before—but with time and experience, I’ve gotten better at seeing where people are coming from and minimizing friction along the way.

What habit or practice helps you manage stress?

Every few days, I go on long music walks to decompress. I’ll listen to an album or two front to back while walking around. It creates this sensory experience that I find really soothing and quietly epic. Some albums I’ve been walking with lately are Put Your Back N 2 It by Perfume Genius, Historian by Lucy Dacus, Little Creatures by the Talking Heads, and Suddenly by Caribou. 

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter.

Don’t Follow Your Passion! Do This Instead. (Episode 7)

The most popular career advice out there is that you should follow your passion.

“Do what you’re most passionate about!”

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!

You hear it all the time. While well-intended, I’ve found this to be the worst career advice that’s out there. In this week’s episode, I’ll explore why you shouldn’t obsess over finding your passion, and discuss three practical things to do instead.

As a reminder, the Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show is now available as a podcast:
– Apple: https://apple.co/2T8URbu
– Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3dPs2so
– Google: https://bit.ly/3bECFwu

5 Ways to Unlock the Power of Mentorship in Your Career (Episode 6)

Mentorship is critical to career growth and the benefits of mentorship include faster promotions, salary growth, and increased job satisfaction.

But finding the right mentor can be challenging and it’s not always clear how to build an effective mentoring relationship.

In Episode 6 of The Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show, I cover why mentorship matters, four ways to attract a mentor, and creative ways to find mentorship.

5 years ago I published Not Your Parents’ Workplace. In the book, I wrote about the challenges I faced in 2008 when I had a front-row seat to the largest bankruptcy in US history. Given today’s economic environment and career challenges, I’m kicking off a YouTube series where I’ll share lessons I wrote about in the book as well as lessons I’ve learned since.

Daily Gratitude: The Impact of Strong Mothers (Day 1,130)

In April 2017 I kicked off a gratitude challenge where I wrote a daily blog post for 30 days (more on my learnings here). When the challenge ended I decided to continue the habit but only occasionally share these gratitudes on my blog. 

In his book Standing for Something, Gordon B. Hinckley shares the impact that strong mothers can have on both their children and the world.

The story is told that in ancient Rome a group of women were, with vanity, showing their jewels to one another. Among them was Cornelia, the mother of two boys. One of the women said to her, “And where are your jewels?” Cornelia responded, pointing to her sons, “These are my jewels.”

Cornelia-Mother-of-the-Gracchi-cover
Angelica Kauffmann, Cornelia, Mother of the Gracchi, 1785. Virginia Museum of Fine Arts

Under her tutelage, and walking after the virtues of her life, they grew to become Gaius and Tiberius Gracchus—the Gracchi, as they were called—two of the most persuasive and effective reformers in Roman history. For as long as they are remembered and spoken of, the mother who reared them after the manner of her own life will be remembered and spoken of with praise also.

Mother’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate the wonderful women that have influenced our lives. I have been blessed to be surrounded by remarkable mothers.

The first mother I am thankful for is my Grandmother, Lenore Hobbs. My grandma stayed with my family for extended periods of time when I was in middle school. We’d watch basketball together and she loved cheering for her “Little Johnny” (John Stockton) and the Utah Jazz. She was a joy to be with. She always made me feel like I was the most important person alive. My grandma was one of the most loving people I’ve known. She gave and she gave and she gave, never expecting anything in return. While Grandma Hobbs passed away several years ago, the memory of her kindness lives on.

Second, I’m grateful for my mother. She taught me to read at a young age and instilled a love of books. My siblings attended a private school and the commute was 45 minutes each way. When she wasn’t driving them to school or dropping us off at soccer practice, or taking us to baseball games, she was helping us with homework or assisting in our classrooms. She devoted all of her adult life to raising me and my siblings. She is an example of selfless service.

Finally, I am thankful for my wife. I’ve written before of the many things I love about her, so I’ll be brief here. Motherhood is always hard, but COVID-19 has brought unique parenting challenges. With schools getting closed and sports seasons canceled, she’s taken on increased responsibilities. She teaches, cares, and serves with love and patience. She shows up every single day. She is relentless.

If service is the rent we pay for living in this world, these three women have more than paid their portion. I am grateful for strong women who, like Cornelia, have chosen to make their children their jewels. The world is a better place because of them.