This Simple Tool Will Stop Anger From Destroying Your Career (Episode 8)

Anger is something we all feel at times but left unchecked it can cause irreparable damage to important relationships and harm our career. I’ve found that a simple tool—what I call an “unsent angry letter”—can help prevent raw emotion from getting the best of us.

Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and countless others have mastered the art of the unsent angry letter. Doing so allowed them to act deliberately and consciously rather than out of frustration or anger.

In this episode, I share why you need to master the unsent angry letter and how doing so will help you become more effective in all aspects of your life.

As a reminder, the Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show is now available as a podcast.

#16: The Profound Power of a Kind Word The Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show with Nathan Tanner

  1. #16: The Profound Power of a Kind Word
  2. #15: How Constraints Unlock Creativity (Interview with Kyle Fackrell, Creator of Space Race)
  3. #14: The Most Important Story You Will Ever Tell

Career Q&A with Mia Mabanta, Head of Talent and Growth Initiatives at Y Combinator (#9)

Our next Career Q&A is with Mia Mabanta, Head of Talent and Growth Initiatives at Y Combinator. Mia provides excellent advice on how to view career opportunities with an abundance mindset, the power of long walks, why ‘fake it ’til you make it’ is bad advice, and how immigrating to the US taught her to be scrappy and resourceful. I hope you enjoy her insights as much as I did.

Mia Mabanta runs talent and growth initiatives at YC Continuity, Y Combinator’s growth-stage fund. Prior to YC, Mia led product marketing at Quartz, the business news startup, as the company grew 10X in revenue and headcount. She also cofounded a fintech startup, HelloWallet, which sold to Morningstar and spun out of research she had been working on at the Brookings Institution, where she began her career as an analyst. Mia has an MBA from Stanford.

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why?

My Kindle is full of highlights from business/leadership-type books, but the book that has stayed in my consciousness longer than any other couldn’t be further from that genre. The Meadow by James Galvin is made up of poetic, intricately written vignettes chronicling a hundred years of life on… a meadow. The elegance with which he describes sensory details is almost meditative. Almost 20 years after I first read it, I still find that it helps me stay calm and centered in my life and work.

Was there an experience you had before age 21 that shaped who you are? What was it?

I immigrated to the US at 17 (for college) and have been largely independent ever since. At the time, I didn’t have much of a support base and had to figure out a lot of basic life things on my own: financial hurdles, visa lotteries, the DMV. I probably sent my resume to 100 companies before I got my first job offer, and had more brushes with deportation than I would have liked. I learned how to be scrappy and resourceful. It built up my resilience and taught me how to plan for the worst-case scenario.

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

My biggest career misstep was hastily taking a job for the wrong reasons. On my first day, I knew I’d made a mistake. It made me seriously question my ability to make good decisions. But I then spent a lot of time thinking deeply about what was important to me in a job and company. At one point, I was printing out companies’ values and stacking them up against my own. Going through that exercise cemented how important culture and mission are, and within a few months I landed at a startup that I felt deeply connected to and (I think) had a lasting impact on, even years after I left. 

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore?

Don’t “fake it ‘til you make it.” Ask all the questions you need to understand a problem deeply. The best people, no matter their seniority, are the ones who ask questions to get the information they don’t have and work through problems instead of talking around them.

Also: Read a lot, especially about things that have nothing to do with your job. Find a great boss to work for. Spend time on relationships. There’s something to be learned from everyone you meet, whether it’s something to emulate or something to avoid. Learn how to think, speak, and write with clarity and conciseness. It’s amazing how much that sets people apart. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

Ali Rowghani, my current boss, gives this piece of advice that I wish I’d had when I was just starting out: View career opportunities with a lens of abundance. There is so much to do and learn, so many problems to solve. When see your career this way, you start to focus more on the expansiveness of your own potential rather than the little distractions—job title, status, organizational politics—that inevitably come up.

What’s one of your proudest professional accomplishments?

My proudest professional accomplishment is probably the people I’ve hired. I love building teams and get a lot of fulfillment out of working through challenges together and celebrating wins. Whenever I’ve created an environment where people are working hard, having fun doing so, and genuinely care about one another, I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job.

Since entering the workforce, how have you changed or transformed?

Besides all the usual growth that one goes through as they advance in their career, one big change is that I’ve become much more adaptable to people’s different working styles, and better at communicating my own. It’s not that I was intolerant of different styles before—but with time and experience, I’ve gotten better at seeing where people are coming from and minimizing friction along the way.

What habit or practice helps you manage stress?

Every few days, I go on long music walks to decompress. I’ll listen to an album or two front to back while walking around. It creates this sensory experience that I find really soothing and quietly epic. Some albums I’ve been walking with lately are Put Your Back N 2 It by Perfume Genius, Historian by Lucy Dacus, Little Creatures by the Talking Heads, and Suddenly by Caribou. 

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter.

Don’t Follow Your Passion! Do This Instead. (Episode 7)

The most popular career advice out there is that you should follow your passion.

“Do what you’re most passionate about!”

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!

You hear it all the time. While well-intended, I’ve found this to be the worst career advice that’s out there. In this week’s episode, I’ll explore why you shouldn’t obsess over finding your passion, and discuss three practical things to do instead.

As a reminder, the Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show is now available as a podcast:
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5 Ways to Unlock the Power of Mentorship in Your Career (Episode 6)

Mentorship is critical to career growth and the benefits of mentorship include faster promotions, salary growth, and increased job satisfaction.

But finding the right mentor can be challenging and it’s not always clear how to build an effective mentoring relationship.

In Episode 6 of The Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show, I cover why mentorship matters, four ways to attract a mentor, and creative ways to find mentorship.

5 years ago I published Not Your Parents’ Workplace. In the book, I wrote about the challenges I faced in 2008 when I had a front-row seat to the largest bankruptcy in US history. Given today’s economic environment and career challenges, I’m kicking off a YouTube series where I’ll share lessons I wrote about in the book as well as lessons I’ve learned since.

Daily Gratitude: The Impact of Strong Mothers (Day 1,130)

In April 2017 I kicked off a gratitude challenge where I wrote a daily blog post for 30 days (more on my learnings here). When the challenge ended I decided to continue the habit but only occasionally share these gratitudes on my blog. 

In his book Standing for Something, Gordon B. Hinckley shares the impact that strong mothers can have on both their children and the world.

The story is told that in ancient Rome a group of women were, with vanity, showing their jewels to one another. Among them was Cornelia, the mother of two boys. One of the women said to her, “And where are your jewels?” Cornelia responded, pointing to her sons, “These are my jewels.”

Angelica Kauffmann, Cornelia, Mother of the Gracchi, 1785. Virginia Museum of Fine Arts

Under her tutelage, and walking after the virtues of her life, they grew to become Gaius and Tiberius Gracchus—the Gracchi, as they were called—two of the most persuasive and effective reformers in Roman history. For as long as they are remembered and spoken of, the mother who reared them after the manner of her own life will be remembered and spoken of with praise also.

Mother’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate the wonderful women that have influenced our lives. I have been blessed to be surrounded by remarkable mothers.

The first mother I am thankful for is my Grandmother, Lenore Hobbs. My grandma stayed with my family for extended periods of time when I was in middle school. We’d watch basketball together and she loved cheering for her “Little Johnny” (John Stockton) and the Utah Jazz. She was a joy to be with. She always made me feel like I was the most important person alive. My grandma was one of the most loving people I’ve known. She gave and she gave and she gave, never expecting anything in return. While Grandma Hobbs passed away several years ago, the memory of her kindness lives on.

Second, I’m grateful for my mother. She taught me to read at a young age and instilled a love of books. My siblings attended a private school and the commute was 45 minutes each way. When she wasn’t driving them to school or dropping us off at soccer practice, or taking us to baseball games, she was helping us with homework or assisting in our classrooms. She devoted all of her adult life to raising me and my siblings. She is an example of selfless service.

Finally, I am thankful for my wife. I’ve written before of the many things I love about her, so I’ll be brief here. Motherhood is always hard, but COVID-19 has brought unique parenting challenges. With schools getting closed and sports seasons canceled, she’s taken on increased responsibilities. She teaches, cares, and serves with love and patience. She shows up every single day. She is relentless.

If service is the rent we pay for living in this world, these three women have more than paid their portion. I am grateful for strong women who, like Cornelia, have chosen to make their children their jewels. The world is a better place because of them.

3 Daily Practices to Thrive During COVID-19 (Episode 5)

I don’t know about you, but for much of this COVID period, I’ve been in survival mode, learning on the fly how to cope with this new reality. But recently, I was challenged to look at things from a different perspective.

Rather than merely survive during this period, what if it were possible to truly thrive? What if it were possible in one year to look back and say that we experienced more personal growth and were more productive during this time than any other?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve come to believe that, while difficult, holding a new perspective is possible. In this video, I share 3 daily practices for thriving during COVID-19 and any other challenging period.

For more videos, click here.

How to Develop a Career Competitive Advantage (Episode 4)

In 2012 I read a book that had a profound impact on me and shifted how I think about my career.

That book is The Start-Up of You by Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha.  The authors argue that we can develop a competitive advantage by answering questions regarding our assets, our aspirations, and the market realities.

1) Assets: What are you inherently good at? What do you have going for you? These can include soft assets (knowledge, skills, connections) and hard assets (cash, investments).

2) Aspirations: Where do you want to go in the future? What do you want to do? Who do you want to become?

3) Market Realities: What will people actually pay you for? Where is there a market demand?

In my latest video, I dive into these three critical questions, sharing how these questions inspired me to make a career pivot and how they can help you build a career competitive advantage.

Fortune Favors the Bold (Episode 3)

Being bold is important in all aspects of our lives, but it’s especially critical in our careers. I learned this lesson firsthand when my friend Ned’s boldness and creativity helped him find his dream job.

In Episode #3 of the Not Your Parents’ Workplace Show, I walk through why fortune favors the bold, share the story of how Ned landed the job, and provide two tips on how YOU can be bolder than ever.

What Pitbull Can Teach You About Building a Powerful Network (Episode 2)

What comes to mind when you hear the word “networking”? If you’re like many, you think of an extreme extrovert at a cocktail party or networking event, glad-handing and dishing out business cards to everyone in sight. Ughh. We know networking is important, but does it have to be so painful?

In my second video, I share tips on how to network in a more focused and authentic way, as well as how to build a personal board of directors.

Going forward, I plan to post one video per week. If you like what you see, subscribe to the channel so you can catch future ones!

5 years ago I published the career strategy book, Not Your Parents’ Workplace. In it, I share the challenges I faced and the lessons I learned during the 2008 financial crisis and beyond. Within a year of graduating college, I worked at three companies, enduring the largest bankruptcy in history at one and getting laid off by another. It was a brutal period I’ll never forget.

We’re now in another period of economic uncertainty. Many have lost jobs and others are worried about what the future holds. In light of this, I’ve decided to try something new. I’ve kicked off a series where I share stories and lessons from Not Your Parents’ Workplace as well as insights I’ve had over the last five years.

Career Q&A with Ryan Seamons, Co-founder and Chief Product Officer at Sprintwell (#8)

Our next Career Q&A is with none other than Ryan Seamons, Co-founder and Partner at Sprintwell. There’s a lot of goodness throughout. I’ve always been impressed by Ryan’s commitment to learning and how intentional he is in living his life. Enjoy!

Ryan Seamons is co-founder and partner at Sprintwell. They help teams build habits of innovation without burning out. Ryan believes that everyone can do meaningful work, and that people growth and product growth go hand-in-hand. 

After a decade working in product management, Ryan loves helping others understand the mechanics and mindset that drive great product teams and save companies time, money, and energy. Ryan created the first internal version of LinkedIn Learning and led product teams as Director of Product at Degreed. 

He is passionate about education and family. He and his wife write about intentional family living from their experiences homeschooling their 5 children. He also created the “What do you really want?” newsletter with weekly conversations about getting what you want at work and in life.

ryan seamons

What’s a book that has influenced your career or life, and why?

First, Break All the Rules. This book got me into organizational behavior. It was eye-opening to realize that many people go into management not because they would be good at it, but because of the additional income and power. 

Gallup calls this the “blind, breathless climb”. This explains a good percentage of incompetence and friction at work. Just because someone was a good individual contributor doesn’t mean they will be good at managing other people doing that thing. We promote people just beyond their capabilities. 

That book was the beginning of my finding the problems I care deeply about — the reality that:

  • Most people don’t like their jobs.
  • Many managers aren’t ever equipped and enabled to guide meaningful work.
  • Often companies have no idea how to build sustainable habits of innovation.

There’s a better way. We should all be able to find meaning in our work. Management can be a noble profession. And innovation is more like math than magic. 

Was there an experience you had before age 21 that shaped who you are? What was it?

I served a 2-year mission for my church in Bangkok, Thailand. While the entire experience was incredibly formative, the most impactful part was 9 of those 24 months spent living with native Thai companions (missionaries pairs are called “companionships”). 

It’s incredible to spend 24/7 living with someone from a different cultural upbringing. To speak their language and learn about their country and culture by observing them. I made too many mistakes to count. My world view was challenged over and over again. But not a day goes by that I don’t use the skills of empathy, observation, patience, and compassion that I learned from my time with them. 

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? Do you have a “favorite failure” of yours?

Lots of failures to choose from. 😂

My favorite failure ended up being the best thing that happened to me. I dated this girl in high school that broke my heart, per my mother’s encouragement (my mother didn’t want me dating seriously so young). I was hurt and discouraged but moved on. 

A few years later that girl and I reconnected, had a quick engagement and got married. We were both a little older and wiser and the time allowed us to both grow up. A decade of travel, entrepreneurship, and 5 kids later I realize the best thing in my life probably wouldn’t have happened had it not ‘failed’ first. 

Thanks, mom. 

What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore?

1) Never stop learning. Most people get stuck because they stop learning. 

2) Spend time early and often deciding what you really want. Too often we choose a path for the wrong reasons. It’s easy to accept the script of others but it ends up being the #1 regret at the end of people’s lives

3) Be Bold. I got my first internship by first being told that a recruiter “wasn’t looking for interns, only full-time”. I was about to leave, but then turned back around and asked, “well, if your company were to recruit an intern, who would I talk to about that?” He sized me up for a few seconds, then handed me his business card with the email of a colleague written on it. That one moment of boldness turned into an incredible experience where I first got exposed to applied bioinformatics, web development, design, consulting, database, etc. Many skills I have used in my career came from that moment of boldness. 

What are the bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?

“The Product Manager is the CEO of the product.” It’s a horrible mindset that leads to a lot of stress and poor expectations. Too many people go into product management because they think they will be in charge or be able to call the shots. That’s rarely the case. 

A product manager is a lot more like an American football quarterback or a pirate captain. You have to be a master of influence without authority. Your job is a lot more about alignment, inspiration, and communication than many expect. The hard skills of market research, analytics, prototyping, etc are important, but if you don’t build trust with your stakeholders and team, you’ll never deliver value to customers in the way you hope.

So many teams grind to a halt because product managers don’t prioritize the people side of product management. 

If you could go back in time to when you were entering the workforce and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?

Optimize for learning. Learning compounds just like money. Given the choice, choose the opportunity where you’ll learn most.

This has driven my choices in schooling, switching teams/companies, and how I spend a good deal of my free time. More than ever you will stand out by intentionally learning (vs binging on Netflix or social media). There is so much knowledge out there. Spend a few minutes each day consuming in a high-quality way and you’ll stand out with your ability to help others and lead change.

Who is one person, dead or alive, who you admire? Why do you admire them? 

Stephen Covey. I love the stories about how he prioritized his children, even while working hard. I hope to influence just a few people the same way he influenced millions.

What habit or practice helps you manage stress? 

Whenever my wife and I are stressed out or overwhelmed, we have a “whiteboarding session”. 

This is a technique we use in our consulting at Sprintwell to help teams get clarity and alignment. But it works incredibly well for individuals or couples as well. 

We pull up a whiteboard (or document) and go through the following steps:

  1. Write down what’s going well. 
  2. Write down what’s not going well, stressful, or needs to get done
  3. Organize the list, putting like items together and then sorting by priority. 
  4. Make some quick decisions about next steps. 

This always gets us unstuck and facilitates positive conversation and action.

When have you felt stuck in your career? How did you break out of it or push forward?

I had a boss who once told me that I didn’t have what it took in the career path I was hoping for. I remember being devastated. I was pretty mad walking out of that 1:1. I distinctly remember realizing that I could decide how I responded. I decided to ask myself, “what can I learn from this?”

Suddenly I realized how much I could learn. I did have a long way to go. So, I got to work learning. Now, years later, I’m sharing the knowledge I learned with product managers and leaders at some of the world’s most successful companies. I might not have built that expertise if I hadn’t been “challenged” by that boss. 

For more Career Q&As, click here, or you can check out my monthly newsletter.