One of the best books I read this year was Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life (h/t to Nolan Church for recommending). Here are my three big learnings:

✔️ Humans learn—through imitation—to want the same things other people want, just as they learn how to speak the same language and play by the same cultural rules.

✔️ Most of what we desire is mimetic or imitative, not intrinsic. If you perceive some career or lifestyle or vacation as attractive, it’s because someone you know has modeled it in a way that appears attractive to you.

✔️ People don’t fight because they want different things; they fight because mimetic desire causes them to want the same things.

The comparison game is one I’ve battled for years. It turns out I’m not alone in that. But I’ve taken two intentional steps to distance myself from mimetic desire. The first was starting my own business. The second was leaving the Bay Area and moving to a smaller city.

I invite you to think about the things you want. What’s driving your desires? How much of what you pursue stems from mimetic motivation instead of intrinsic motivation?

Once you see mimetic desire at play, you can’t unsee it. And once you see it, your whole perspective changes.